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"The tumor has grown back.”

My reaction was far different than five years ago. The tears began pouring out of my eyes. I think it even surprised my neurosurgeon. Five years ago I was 100% in and ready, “Let’s do this!” This time it was more of like the voices in my head were shouting, “Please just stop talking!!”

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Everything was different. The tumor was different. The risks were different. The reactions when telling friends and colleagues were different.

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I told God to please not hold my tears against me. For they weren’t tears of doubt or fear, but I just needed to feel what I needed to feel at this moment, this day, that I needed to feel it.

And I did. I did my fetal position thing laying across the bed, I did the sobbing then stopping then sobbing thing intermittently all day, I did what I needed to do to get it all out.

Thursday morning I woke up, thanked God and said, “Okay God, You’re up!”